Recipe for a Successful Marriage. . .

My former Pastor

Mark Johnson

of Life Tabernacle in Elkhart taught a lesson on a God centered marriage using a rope, close to 20 years ago, when Jackie and I were newly come to God. It made an great impact upon me. That is the foundation for this message.

Recipe for a Successful Marriage. . . 

No one stands before God, and makes their vow, till death do us part, believing that their marriage is destined to fail, and yet statistics show that many marriages do not last. I had a failed marriage. To my sorrow, I am divorced. What happened to my first marriage, and what happens to many marriages. . . something changes. . . the people change. They deeply loved each other on the day of their wedding, and somehow they grew apart. That great love they had that day, one for another faded and eventually grew cold. I don’t want that. . . as I’m sure that you don’t want that to happen in your marriage. . . .

I made this cord as a representation of marriage vows:

Your life is forever changed by these vows. The woman takes one end of this cord, and the man the other. Now if you imagine that both were to begin walking around each going their own way, they would soon find that this cord. . . these vows have limited where they could go. The man might head to the left, and the woman to the right, the cord is long, but very soon you would be tugging against the other, as you reached the limit of this cord. . . your vows. 

The vows are in this way seen as restricting. There are places now. . . relationships now which were appropriate yesterday, which after taking the oath of marriage, are no longer appropriate for you. This cord represents the very limits of appropriate behavior inside of your marriage vows, but let me emphasize that you live at the limits of your vows, then you are fulfilling the letter of your marriage commitment, but not the spirit. 

 I have experienced such a marriage. I have experienced a failed marriage. Jackie and I were married 7 years before we came to God. There is no comparison between the before God, and after God phases of our marriage. But this cord is not just a rope, there are many features to this cord that I made. 

This cord is not representative of mere marriage vows, but it symbolizes a marriage with God in the center of it. The center section of this cord is the only section that is pure white. This represents God in the center of your vows, and in the center of your marriage. 

 What happens if we lift up the center of this cord?. . . as God is lifted up in a godly marriage. But when the middle of the cord. . . when God is lifted up, the ends of the cord are invariably drawn together. No longer is the marriage lived at the edges of the vows, a region where no one should ever stray, but with God lifted up in the middle, each partner in the marriage, is drawn closer to one another than they would ever have been found on their own. 

People do change over time. God forbid that anyone should be the same person at 50 that they were when they were 25. That would represent a life with no growth, no maturing, no mellowing or ripening. We do change over time, but centered on God that change not driving a couple apart creating differences, and disunity in them, but Godly growth is growth in parallel, creating ever more harmony and unity in a couple. Guaranteed to strengthen, not weaken their marriage vows over time. 

You will also notice each end of the cord has 9 colored sections. These sections come from each end. Each section is labeled with beads:

Love Red 

Joy Yellow 

Peace Blue 

Longsuffering Brown 

Gentleness Green 

Goodness Purple 

Faith Cream 

Meekness Violet 

Temperance Gray 

 You will recognize these from: 

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 Galatians 5:22-23 KJV But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, (23) Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

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 The fruit of the Spirit, the evidence of the ongoing work of the Spirit of God working within you. A deep relationship with God invariably changes you. You are by His Spirit transformed into a tree which bears good fruit. 

This change. . . this rebirth manifests itself as the 9 fruits listed above. This is so important on a number of levels. If you look to your partner as the source of your love, joy, peace, then when they have a bad day, or are going through some trial of their own, then you are robbed of the source of your happiness. . . for they are at that time unable to supply you with those things essential for a satisfying life, and you may begin to feel dissatisfied and look for happiness, etc. elsewhere. 

This marriage from a selfish me-me-me perspective. What can my partner supply me with? How can my partner supply me with love, joy, peace. . . security. . . happiness But if you have a deep relationship ith God, then God is your foundational source of love, joy, and peace, validation, and security. Your partner is no longer your primary source, so when they are sick, or in pain, or grouchy, or selfish, as does happen even with the best of us, you are able to, not focus upon yourself, but to tend to their needs.  Marriage is then not a selfish me-me-me work, but it becomes a holy Godly work of ministry and service to your spouse. You can then truly be a helpmeet, a minister for your spouse. 

This was a revelation to me. . . a completely different perspective to marriage. Keep God in the center of your marriage and your marriage will prevail all the winds that might blow against it, for it is built upon a foundation of Rock. 

Truly live for God together, but you must also absolutely dedicate yourself to having a relationship with God regardless of your partner, for you cannot live for God for someone else. To be the very best husband that I can be, I must be in love with God, even above and preceding my love for my Wife. Jesus commanded us:

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 Matthew 22:37-39 KJV Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. (38) This is the first and great commandment. (39) And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

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 I put it to you, that your love of God comes first, that before I can properly love my neighbor, or my wife in all the sacrificial depth and pureness a great marriage entails. To be the husband that my wife deserves, I must love God with everything that is within me, then as God loved me and sacrificed Himself for me, I can love my wife, and sacrifice myself for her. . . 

Do not commit to your marriage, with your lips only. . . But I plead with you fervently, vow in your heart of hearts. . .Love God with every fiber of your being, and then from this starting point, this day of your Marriage’s Genesis love each other and stand by each other with all your mind, body, soul, and spirit until truly death do you part. . . 

Strive for this and you will have a marriage truly built with its strong foundation in Heaven. . . .a marriage that cannot fail. 

These thoughts were written for a young couple just starting out on their journey, but no matter how long you have been married, your marriage can be reborn. . . remade with God in the center of it. It is never too late to invite God into your marriage. 

I love you my God. . . 

I thank you for my wife. . .

<3

Dave