Monday, February 4, 2008

When Your Mother Dies. . .

Lessons learned when you were four become much more meaningful. . .

The temperature of the whole world chills a little. . .

Toll House cookies are no longer merely a snack, but a monument. . .

Mothers day changes from an obligation to a craving. . .

Sometimes the air thins and you gasp for breath just sitting in a chair. . .

Crying for Mommy returns after a fifty year absence. . .

You lose something vast and precious that you didn't even know you had. . .

You crave being held and hugged all the time. . .

The last time you spoke to her is now at the bottom of a big ache. . .

Tears are found in totally unexpected places. . .

Never again. . . her magical home made vegetable soup. . . wonderful green beans, potatoes, and ham that aren't falling apart and soupy. . .meat loaf with just the perfect amount of ketchup on top. . . those just right crispy fried potatoes. . . never again. . . for ever. . .

Your chance to repay an enormous debt is lost. . .

You lose the founding member of your fan club. . .

The one person who would take on anyone, or anything. . . (any army for that matter) in your defense is no longer there for you. . .

The pain of your rebellious teen years returns from a different direction. . .

You pray and hope God loves to give hugs. . .

You have an understanding of Memorial Day that you never had before. . .

You need and appreciate friends more than you ever did before. . .

There is now one date on the calendar that you really do not like at all. . .

You very much want to give a big hug to every little old lady you meet. . . and you would love for them to hug you back. . .

Dave





9 comments:

Dennis said...

Dave, my mother just passed after a long illness and I can't tell you how much your words have hit home. I'm nearly 40 years old, yet completely lost in the world knowing my mother is no longer physically in it. I know time heals all, but all I can do now is weep and seek the words of others whom have been through this. Thank you for participating in my healing process (which I think will be going on for a long time.)

Dennis

David A. Stokely said...

Thank you Dennis. My Mother died Saturday February 2nd. I wrote these words February 4th. There surely has been healing, the pain has thankfully greatly diminished, but I think of her every day. Something will happen that will remind me of her. I now understand many things that I did not , before she passed. . .

Thank you again,

Dave

pegillen said...

Dave, your words touch my heart. I lost my Mother only 2 weeks ago on October 5th. I will be 40 in January and I still need her. We all alway need our Moms. I have 2 young kids who she will never see graduate, marry or have kids of their own. 2 years ago she had a double lung transplant and the entire family thought "She did it" she got her new lease on life. All she ever wanted to do was play with her grandkids and take them on outings, and for the last 2 years she did that. Than, in a 3 week time frame she lost her life to cancer. (such an ugly word) Our entire family is in shock. My brothers and I lost our dad 30 years ago, so we now have no parents. We have each other. Thank God my Mom did re married and we have a wondrful step dad. But it still hurts to have no parents on this Earth. My heart aches every day and I just cry. Little things, Big things, everything, makes me think of her. Thank you for your words, I am so glad I found them.

Peg

Anonymous said...

Dave, I lost my Mom 2 weeks ago, on October 5th. Your words are so touching and close to home.

Thank you

Peg

Judith said...

My Mother died at 92 just a few months ago. I am 63, and loosing her physically is another big step. She was lost emotionally somewhat for sometime, and yet she was there and sometimes said things like "I love you, Judy. You'll never know how much I love you"...I still have tears swell up in me nearly daily. We have to believe that grief is somewhat ongoing...and yet life too is ongoing.

Kim said...

My mother passed away only ten days ago, May 9th. I have such a empty place in my life now. I visited her in hospital 4 times a day. No my days are empty. I know time heals. Love, support and prayer surround me.

I am estranged from the rest of my family. I feel like I am grieving their loss too.


One day at a time.

Anonymous said...

David -

Your blog continues to help people suffering from this loss. Some of the things you said could only be said by one who has experienced this loss. Crying for mommy after 50 years of absence - absolutely brilliant. Absolutely true. You have phenomenal insight into the unique thoughts, and waves of emotion that people encounter after losing their mother. I will share this with others.

Anonymous said...

Dave, hi.
I'm 17 and in speech club. The introduction to the poem I have to preform has your words, these words. And this is just so amazing to me. I want to thank you because they are really beautiful.

David Stokely said...

You are very welcome to use them. . .

Thank you for your words,

Dave