What is Blasphemy of the Holy Ghost & Did I Do It?

I came to God after being an atheist for the first 45 years of my life. It's funny to think back, but it really was far more than a disbelief in God. I actually actively hated Him. . . never really stopping to consider how logical it was to hate that which was non-existent. I regularly cursed television preachers when ever I ran across them while channel surfing on TV. I felt myself oh so morally superior to every Christian. I felt myself able to do good deeds altruistically, not needing the promise of heaven as the simpleton Christians did.

How very relieved I was to learn after opening my heart to God and being baptized in Jesus name for the remission of my sins. Verses such as:

Psalms 103:12 As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.

As good as I thought my life to be, I was so very good at overlooking major sins of mine: oath breaking, lying, cheating, stealing, drunkenness in my own life. As long as I could see someone whom I thought was committing worse crimes than mine, by comparison with them I felt I was in pretty good shape. If you've never seen anything white, than any shade of gray can be white in your mind, but once you view a virgin field of snow, never again will you mistake a filthy rag as being pure and clean.

That is what happens when the Lord reveals Himself to you. Suddenly any goodness you might have thought you possessed is revealed for the the filthy muck that it really is, but again Jesus forgives our sins. . . or so I thought until my Bible reading brought me to the following verses:

Matthew 12:31

Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men.

and again:

Mark 3:28-29

Verily I say unto you, All sins shall be forgiven unto the sons of men, and blasphemies wherewith soever they shall blaspheme: (29) But he that shall blaspheme against the Holy Ghost hath never forgiveness, but is in danger of eternal damnation:

What in the world did Jesus mean by 'blasphemy against the Holy Ghost?' To blaspheme is to speak an egregious untruth. To say something that is very hurtful and damaging usually concerning God and religion. Now I had a real worry. I surely had cursed God. . . was I now destined to eternally be in an unforgiven state? But the verse doesn't say that blaspheming God is unforgiveable, but that specifically blaspheming the Holy Ghost was the unforgiveable crime.

In the Trinitarian view of the godhead, there are 3 separate entities (which confusingly somehow aren't separate entities) in the godhead: The Father God, the Holy Spirit, and Jesus. This verse is very difficult to understand in that context. Why would speaking against the Holy Spirit be worse than speaking against Jesus or God the Father? What would make words against one member of the Trinity worse than words against another member? I cannot find any explanation of that in Scripture. As an Apostolic, I am not interested in the arguments and reasonings of men. If it is not in Scripture than it is only of minimal interest to me.

The Apostolic belief holds that the Father God, the Holy Spirit and Jesus are all different manifestations of the same one true living God. God is omnipotent. There is nothing He cannot do. He is omniscient. There is nothing He does not know, and significantly he is omnipresent. He is everywhere. All of these statements are clearly supported by Scripture. This was/is the view of the godhead of the Jews (with the exception of Jesus) and was the view of the godhead for all of Christianity for first 1-2 hundred years after Christ.

So from the Apostolic point of view, what is the explanation of the special severity of blasphemy of the Holy Spirit? We find another verse in Hebrews that gives us the understanding that we need:

Hebrews 6:4-6 For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, (5) And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, (6) If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.

There is one God. According to Scripture Jesus was "God with us", and "God manifest in the flesh." Jesus said that He had to go away and when he left the Comforter would come, the Spirit of God would come and men would be able to be filled with this spirit. Among the very last words of Jesus were these:

Acts 1:8 But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you. . .

Jesus then ascended to heaven. A little time later, men and women were gathered together in prayer and the Spirit of God fell upon them. They were filled with God's Spirit and began to speak in another language (The book of Acts chapter 2). They were given power just as Jesus promised. Previously without Jesus, they seemed paralyzed. Now filled with the Spirit of God, the church exploded. Thousands were baptized and added to the church in one day. Peter emphasized that this occurrence was not only for the them, but that: the promise is unto you, and to your children, and to all that are afar off, even as many as the Lord our God shall call.

Paul tells us in Ephesians:

Ephesians 1:13-14 In whom ye also trusted, after that ye heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation: in whom also after that ye believed, ye were sealed with that holy Spirit of promise, 14 Which is the earnest of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, unto the praise of his glory.

This Holy Spirit that we are filled with, this power promised to come by Jesus which is now within us when we are filled with His Spirit, is only a down payment, the earnest money, a mere token of what awaits us in heaven. I have felt this power. I have tasted the joy of God's Spirit within me. His Spirit guides me and leads me away from danger, give me knowledge that that there is no explanation of other than divine leading of the Holy Spirit of God.

If now with everything that I know, I turn my back upon God and deny the power and reality of the Spirit of God. If I call the power of being filled with the Holy Ghost a lie, after having been filled. . .after having tasted the wonders and joy of this wonderfully intimate relationship with God, it I then fall away and deny Him, I then have committed a crime above any other crime. I have spoken blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. I know better. After being filled with His Spirit, then to deny Him must be an absolute intentional lie against God and there is really no hope for me. Read our verses in Hebrews again:

Hebrews 6:4-6 For it is impossible for those who were once enlightened, and have tasted of the heavenly gift, and were made partakers of the Holy Ghost, (5) And have tasted the good word of God, and the powers of the world to come, (6) If they shall fall away, to renew them again unto repentance; seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh, and put him to an open shame.

I have tasted the heavenly Gift. I have partaken of, have been filled with the Holy Ghost. I have tasted the good word of God and His promised powers of the world to come. I have received the earnest of my heavenly inheritance, if I now fall away and deny Him it is worse than the Roman soldiers who nailed His hands to the cross. Jesus forgave them. He said it Himself, "They know not what they do", whereas if I deny Him, unlike them I would be full aware of what I was doing. I would be nailing Him to the cross, killing him with the premeditated awareness of each blow against Him. . .Jesus could forgive them in their ignorance. He could not forgive me in my knowledge. . .

I thank you my God. . .

I love you my Lord. . .

Dave