Thoughts this morning. . .

Thinking on how have I changed since coming to God?

This is probably a question best answered by others, but these are my thoughts as to how I have been changed in the last 15 years.

1. I hate sin. Before coming to God, I knew that lying was not right. . . I knew that stealing was wrong. . . but I found ways to justify sin in spite of knowing right from wrong. Now God hates sin, and I love God. When I sin, I sin against Him. I disrespect Him. I hurt Him. It drives a wedge between between God and I. I hate sin because of the effect it has on my relationship with God. This relationship is the most important. This relationship is more important than the rules of right and wrong. The relationship precedes the rules of right and wrong. . . I am not trying to apply the rules of right and wrong on the outside, but my hunger to be holy, and righteous comes from my heart. . . I loved my grandpa. I imagine my grandpa’s face as God’s face, and when I sin, I have disrespected God. . . I see my grandpa’s face. . . God’s face with my spit running down His face mingled at the same time with His tears. . . God loves me so much, and when I sin it hurts Him. . . I hate sin, in direct proportion to how much I love God. . .

2. I am more humble. Before coming to God, I was very prideful. I didn’t need a God. . . a Creator. . . a supreme being in order to be a good person. I was very prideful at how good I was. . . I was a fool. I justified all my flaws in order to be able to continue doing them. I thought myself good, because I would give a street person $20 every now and again. Forgetting all the darkness within me. I thought myself good, because I had no experience with anything truly good and righteous. If you’ve never seen something pure and white, you can convince yourself that any shade of gray is white. . . . But once you are exposed to blanket of freshly fallen virgin snow, never again will you think the charcoal gray tapestry that is your life, is anything but the soiled rag that it is.

3. I am more forgiving. Before coming to God, I was great at holding grudges. It took a bit to get me mad, but once mad I could stay mad for weeks or months on end. Now I see. . . I truly see how much God has forgiven me of. . . and there is no restraint of His love. . . I can detect no grudge from Him for my past behavior. If then He can forgive me, who cursed Him and hoped Him dead. . . How can I not forgive the small injustices done to me?

4. I am happier. Before coming to God. Happiness was always receding into the distance ahead of me. Happiness was always on the next hill to climb. . . better job. . . more money. . .nicer house. . .goals with the children. . .and when I would arrive at where I thought happiness was, I would find some new obstacle to my happiness. What ever line I drew where I thought happiness would start, I would find only a temporary happiness. I had no lasting joy. But now. . . my happiness comes from within. I don’t look for external happiness. I carry my happiness wherever I go. My happiness comes from my relationship with God. It isn’t dependent on job, finances, health, marriage, children, etc. etc. etc. etc. any external source. My greatest joy is to dance before the Lord, and to worship Him. I have found peace and happiness in an extraordinarily unexpected place. Like Dorothy and her ruby slippers. . . the means for happiness was within my reach for my entire life. . . I just wasn’t looking in the right place.

This is not an exhaustive list. . .Just a few thoughts. . .

I love you my God. . .
Thank you for everything. . .

Dave

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