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Hugs From God. . .

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These thoughts keep coming into my mind. . . I'm convinced that we receive hugs from God, little small seemingly insignificant daily happenings, maybe unimportant and unnoticed and given no significance by anyone else, but meaningful to us, which give us encouragement and hope. . . and faith/confidence that He is standing nearby us. Birds are important and significant to me. Uncountable times I've had beautiful murmurations (huge collections of starlings moving as one entity) cross the road ahead of me, leaving me in awe. Hawks, and owls pass over the road right in front of me. Sandhill cranes, flocks of geese I give thanks, and watch in wonder as they pass nearby. I take all of these as hugs from God. They are significant to me. You can say they are mere coincidence or nothing special, but I thank and praise God for them. The nurses in the cardiac ICU at the Cleveland Clinic work 12 hour shifts. The two days, four shifts, following my heart surgery my nurses names were ...
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Post heart surgery: Day #21

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Jackie and I had a great day Monday, going to E&S shopping in Shipshewana, and then out to eat at Taco Bell in Middlebury.  I was totally surprised Tuesday, at how utterly fatigued I was.  I didn't feel like hardly moving.  I felt so weak and exhausted from the day before's activities.  I don't think I'm alone, I like things to move in a linear fashion. . . a predictable straight line.  This up and down. . .a step forward, half a step or more backwards drives me a little nuts.  I'm not at all used to not being able to do what I want to do.  In my mind, I keep expecting to wake up one morning, and I'm fully recovered, but that seems less and less likely to happen. On positive notes, my appetite does seem to be recovering slowly.  My vision is slowly improving.  I'm sleeping better.  Since my surgery, I've slept almost entirely on my back.  In the hospital, I couldn't move due to the chest drainage tubes, IV's, etc.  Since th...
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Post heart surgery day #19

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Had a good day yesterday.  Jackie and I went to the new E&S Amish bulk store in Shipshewana.  Jackie made me take a folding lawn chair in our shopping cart, in case I became tired and needed to sit down.  I sat in the chair while I waited for her to park the car.  We had a nice time shopping.  It's a much  larger store than their old one.  There was a bench inside, where we sat for a few minutes.  They now take credit/debit cards, but add a service charge to your bill.  As far as the prices go, I'm not sure.  Bulk items, flour, etc. seem to be the same as the old store.  Close/out-dated items are still quite cheap.  I'm not sure about other items.  I'm not sure they are much different than other stores, but I don't have any specific examples. Afterwards we went to Taco Bell in Middlebury.  I thought tacos sounded good.  I ate more in that meal, 3 tacos, ½ a burrito, and a soft drink, than I've eaten at one ti...
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Post heart surgery day +18.

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This is going so much slower than I would ever have anticipated.  I'm walking a couple hundred yards twice a day, and my legs are so weak.  I get back and almost invariably I am exhausted and take a nap.  I'm not seeing significant improvement in my strength or endurance. I am not an easy patient for Jackie.  I am miserable much of the time, withdrawn into my own small world, trying to cope, and liable to snap at intrusions from the outside world. My appetite is just about zero.  I must force myself to eat most of the time, and when I do eat, it's maybe ½ of what I would have eaten pre-surgery.  Nothing tastes good.  A couple of days ago, Jackie fixed tomato soup and grilled cheese/ham sandwiches, a favorite meal of mine.  If you had blindfolded me, I could not have identified the tomato soup.  My taste buds are very muted.  I'm wondering it is has to do with the meds I'm on? Last night I tried doing without my meds for sleeping.  I...
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Transformed. . .

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  Transformed. . .  Last night, 11th post surgery, was by far my best night so far.  I could walk across the hall, use the restroom, and get back into bed without gasping for breath for an hour or more.  I was back to breathing more normally in 10 minutes or so.  I could roll over or change positions in bed without effecting my breathing much at all.   A few minutes ago, I got up, let out our dog, Gideon, walked to the kitchen, made coffee, took my meds and maybe 10 minutes later my breathing is almost back to normal. I am being transformed by all of this that I am experiencing.  I don't want this to be a temporary wound, which when the bandage comes off leaves no scar.  I want to remember the details of the journey that I am on. . . a year from now. . . five years from now I want this post to come up on my memories.  I never want to forget the lessons I'm learning here.  They are too precious to me to lose. The sacrifice of others....
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The Hand of God. . .

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 The Hand of God. . .  This   page of the story begins with a text message I received April 23rd a little after noon, from a co-worker of my daughter's, saying that she had not showed up for work which was very unusual for her, and they were wondering if I knew what was going on. I was at work, I let my wife Jackie know, and she began calling the local hospitals to see if Adrianne was a patient.  She found her at the St. Joe Medical center.  Adrianne was in their ICU sedated and on a ventilator. I went over there.  She had sepsis, pneumonia, and stage-two respiratory failure.  I learned later that she had begun feeling ill, and having trouble breathing the evening before, and had called 911 for an ambulance, which transported her to St. Joe. Subsequent medical tests, CT scans, etc. revealed that her aorta was grossly enlarged with a 5.9 cm aneurysm which was in danger of dissection (rupture) , greatly endangering her life.  Adrianne’s sepsis,...
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Transformation. . .

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  My life is so different today than the day before my heart surgery. Before my surgery I was walking two miles every day during my lunchtime at work. Today I gasp for breath after a walk from the bathroom to the kitchen, Trying to honestly evaluate why I share this with you, maybe in truth I'm looking for a small bit of sympathy or compassion, but more largely to share my discovery of a world I've been blind to before. From outward appearances I look healthy and whole, but from the inside my view is completely different. My world is a very different place from what it was two weeks ago. While in Cleveland Clinic's ICU for a few days, and after that for another 10 days, I was totally dependant on others for my most personal needs. To have to ask someone for help, and stand there while they cleaned me, was humbling beyond anything I've known since the lost memories of when I left diapers . It was totally humbling. . . humiliating to have to depend so completely ...
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